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from dozens

This is a copy/paste of a fun little RPG game my friends and I are playing together on a bulletin board on tilde.town. Read along as our hero journeys to Lullaby, city of the dead!

All posts in this series:

Interlude: Festival of Remembering

Each year on the day of the eighth moon is the Festival of Remembering. It starts with a noontime feast in the village green with food for everybody and then some. Then everybody dresses up in old timey costume so they look like one ancestor or another. They recite the names of their dead, and remember them through story and dance and song and poetry and plays.

With night comes games and drinking and revelry until the witching hour, when everybody puts out blankets by their front doors for the forgotten dead. And then they wait inside by the fire with warm cider and wine. They wait for the forgotten dead grow restless and rise naked from the cold ground and start to wander the dark forest.

The forgotten dead flock to the village and take the blankets to clothe themselves and keep themselves warm. And the villagers bring them into their homes to care for them, warming them by the fire and telling them stories until they feel soothed, warm, and human enough to leave and go back to sleep for another year.

78 ~dozens @ 12:12 2021/10/06 [edited]


You successfully return to the village with the bundle of stolen costumes and blankets. The grandmas shower you with kisses, the children cheer and pelt you with small candies, the emotionally reserved adults nod stoically in approval, and the village elders, as promised, give you a small cash reward, which you humbly refuse but then graciously accept. (You surreptitiously sneak out at the first opportune moment to pay off your debt to the Weavers Guild, leaving you with just a little bit of coin to spend.)

Everybody jumps into their costumes and the festivities begin. Folks recite the names of as many dead family members as they know. There are songs and ballads of heroes of yore. There are stage reenactments of comedies, tragedies, and follies. As much remembering as possible takes place.

When night comes, there is food and drink, singing and dancing, merry making and revelry. And everybody congratulates you and thanks you for saving the festival.

You smile to yourself and decide to enjoy the festival.


79 ~bx @ 07:49 2021/10/09



80 ~dozens @ 13:39 2021/10/11 [edited]


You have a dope ass time with Pebbles and Igor (pronounced “Eye Gore”, which is what you named your new sword friend because it has an eye, and it is a sword. So, there's going to be gore.)

You do some sack races and wrestle a pig, and bob for apples and play a kind of blindfolded game of tag. (Pebbles and Igor both seem to have fun during this game in particular which is interesting because Pebbles technically doesn't have eyes, and Igor is basically all eyes, so you're not sure how it actually works mechanically for them, but they seem to be having fun which is all that matters.) It's all super fun, and you're soon exhausted.

Just as well. Now it's the witching hour, when the Forgotten Dead are scheduled to rise.

Everybody is making their way home, setting out blankets for the dead, and resting inside by the fireplace. As time goes on though, it becomes clear that something is amiss. Villagers peek out their windows and doors, looking up and down the empty streets. Usually there are dozens upon dozens of Forgotten Dead roaming the streets by now, wrapping themselves in blankets and rapping on doors to be let in. Now there are probably 3 – 5 to be seen in the entire village.

The dead that have arrived pull themselves forward, dragging petrified limbs. They knock with arms stiff and fossilized, large chunks of their bodies crystalized. The villagers shudder to see them in such an unnatural state. The dead are supposed to be made of bones and leathery skin. Not inorganic stone.

What is going on? What has happened to the dead? Why are they turning to stone? Where are the missing Forgotten Dead?

Maybe you only /thought/ you saved the Festival of Remembering. Something else is obviously afoot.


81 ~bx @ 13:43 2021/10/12



82 ~dozens @ 12:43 2021/10/14


You catch up to one of the forgotten dead as it stumbles down the road. You catch it by the arm and pull it to the side. It allows itself to be pulled off the road and under the eaves of one of the nearby houses.

You inspect the dead more closely and notice two things.

One, there's a strange mold growing on it that seems to be digesting and breaking down the leathery skin that clings to its bones. Pieces of it slough off

Two, its bones are in the process of slowly being turned into stone. It's pretty: the stone sparkles with small crystals. But it looks lethal. As lethal as something can be to someone who is already dead. This one drags it fossilized leg like it is dead weight.

Soon this poor creature will be nothing but a human shaped hunk of rock.

It looks at you pitifully and works its jaws, though it has long since lost the ability to speak. It clutches a finely woven blanket in its hand, which it holds out to you. You take the blanket, a fine product of the Weavers Guild but with a pattern you don't recognize.

Then the dead stoops down and scratches a few circles and lines in the dirt, drawing a crude owl. It straightens up and looks at you for a moment, then turns and starts to limp away toward the nearest house where it grabs another blanket to wrap around itself.

You're not sure what the message is here, but if the Weavers are involved, you can head over to the Loominary to ask them.

You know you could also head straight to the Lullaby, the crypt where the dead sleep, to look for clues and see if it's been disturbed.

And what's with the owl? The Cave Lads said someone or something called “the owl” convinced them to steal all the blankets and costumes in the first place!


83 ~bx @ 13:19 2021/10/14



84 ~dozens @ 18:03 2021/10/14


It's prime witching hour now and shadows everywhere are as deep and dark as the ocean as you and Pebbles and Igor leave the comforts of town for the beckoning woods where Lullaby lies.

It is a fair walk from town, deep in the forest. The path is overgrown, but worn enough that you can find your way even in the dark.

Soon you're walking along the tall piled stone wall of Lullaby toward the black iron gates, one of which hangs lifelessly on its hinge, and the other of which has been pushed open by the forgotten dead on their pilgrimage to town. A ground keeper's cottage huddles just inside the entrance like a scared animal, long vacant and abandoned: only the dead live here. The walls of the cottage still look sturdy but the windows have long since been broken.

In the middle of Lullaby is an overgrown sunken garden with a dry fountain covered with creeping vines.

A triple row of mausoleums lines the walls of Lullaby, the first one with its back to the wall, and the second facing the first one, forming a claustrophobic little path. And the third one sits back to back with the second one so that it looks out on the garden.

A couple of the mausoleums stand open from when their inhabitants decided to go for a stroll.

It's a dark, moonless night, and it's as quiet as a grave.


85 ~bx @ 16:16 2021/10/15



86 ~dozens @ 14:24 2021/10/19


You decide to start investigating a mausoleum that overlooks the sunken garden of Lullaby, the city of the dead.

You skulk across the courtyard trying to stick to the shadows, for one feels obligated to sneak here so as not to disturb the sleep of the dead. Your steps are dampened by the soft decomposing leaves and grasses. The night of the new moon is deeply dark. The air is still and there is a sickly sweet smell of too old flowers.

The heavy stone door of the crypt stands ajar. No family name adorns the mausoleum, for this is not just the city of the dead, but of the forgotten dead.

You slip inside. It is small and claustrophobic, roughly 12 by 12 feet, cramped with coffins and tables and urns and a neglected shrine. The floor is carpeted with a thick layer of dust, disturbed only by a fresh set of footprints leading from the door into the building, between narrow shelves of coffins to a small, open trapdoor, where a metal ladder affixed to the stone wall leads down into the catacomb.

The footprints end here at the top of the ladder. A faint glow can be seen emanating from somewhere below. When you peer down you can see a dancing shadow as something scuttles around. And you can hear soft mumbling and muttering, and faint scratching and scraping.


87 ~bx @ 15:36 2021/10/19



88 ~dozens @ 19:36 2021/10/19


You were sure to grab a couple of self-inflating glow orbs before leaving town, so you should be all set on light sources.

89 ~Gaffen @ 01:13 2021/10/20



90 ~dozens @ 09:12 2021/10/20


You carefully, quietly climb down the ladder and step into the catacomb.

There is one short hall lined with recesses, most filled with vertical coffins. The hall terminates a short distance from you in a wider room where the light and the shadow and the noises are coming from.

The room contains a wide altar atop which is a body, one of the forgotten dead. You can tell even from here that its bones seem to be fully crystalized based on how they sparkle and reflect the light. Everywhere flesh still clings to its body, it is covered in fruiting, moth-gray fanned mushrooms.

A humanoid figure hunches over the altar with its back to you. A glow orb hovers on the far side of the altar, backlighting the figure so that it is an inky black shadow: you can't make out any features. It bends over the body, mumbling and hissing to itself, and seems to be scraping at it or roughly scrubbing at it.

It has not noticed you.


91 ~cymen @ 14:25 2021/10/20


Creep closer to figure out what it's doing!

92 ~dozens @ 14:43 2021/10/20


You edge your way into the room and creep a little closer to the figure. It is now a mere couple arms' lengths away from you, but you can see them more clearly, and you notice two things.

Firstly, it is definitely human.

Secondly, a long Fighting Needle dangles from their belt. And, even more forboding, they wear a brightly colored sash draped across their torso from shoulder to hip.

This is unmistakenly a member of the Weavers Guild.

Some Weavers are actually handy with a Fighting Needle. But the thin blade is mostly for show as a warning to outsiders who don't understand the real threat of a master Weaver: the sash.

Weavers are highly trained in the deadly art of sarong-fu and can easily overpower a much stronger foe with a simple sash, blanket, rope, or any other soft weapon. It is well-known that any Weaver who is clothed is formidible opponent.

This one is hunched over the body of the forgotten dead, cursing under their breath. One hand full of crystals and mushrooms, and the other hand frantically scraping at flesh and bone with what looks like a small metal flat-headed spoon.


93 ~cymen @ 08:28 2021/10/21


Help pepples up to the main chamber and tell him to cause a distraction after you have hidden in one of the coffins.

94 ~dozens @ 10:56 2021/10/21


You slink out of the chamber and back into the shadows of the hall, and pluck your stone necklace from your neck. In the palm of your hand, the stones assemble themselves into Pebbles, your good friend the pebble golem.

You tell them to count to ten and then cause a distraction. Pebbles nods resolutely, and you set them down on the ground and hide yourself in one of the coffins, leaving the lid open just a crack so that you can peek through it.

You wait for a couple beats and then hear a loud clatter of stones as though Pebbles managed to jump off of a high platform somewhere and scatter across the ground.

The Weaver gasps and stops their incessant muttering. You hear Pebbles tumbling quickly toward the ladder, and the sound of stone against metal as they start to climb up. And then the Weaver cursing and stepping out of the chamber and into the hallway, past your hiding spot. After a couple seconds, you hear them start to climb the ladder up to the entrance of the mausoleum.

You crack the coffin lid open and peer into the empty hallway.

Thanks, Pebbles!


95 ~Gaffen @ 13:20 2021/10/21



96 ~dozens @ 15:46 2021/10/21


You sneak out of your coffin and into the chamber, listening to the clatter of pebbles and the footsteps above. It is dark, so you get out one of your self-inflating glow orbs, and yank on the tab. In a matter of seconds it has fully inflated and is bobbing up and down in the air at your elbow, shedding a soft orange sulphuric light.

The forgotten dead is laid out on the altar. Like you could see before, its bones are fossilized, made of solid stone, flecked with small glittering crystals. What little remains of its flesh, formerly dried and leather-like where it clings to the bones, is being devoured by a moldy fungus. This is no longer a former human. It is now merely stone and slime.

Next to the body on the altar is the scraping tool the Weaver was using: a small metal spoon with a sharp, flat head. And also a handful of mushroom caps and crystal shards that have been scraped off the body. You can see some scratches and gouges from where the Weaver was working.

Finally, you find a scrap of paper on the ground, its edges tattered as though it was torn from a book. The Weaver must have dropped it when they left.

The script is mostly unintelligible but you can pick out the words Sporeshard and owl. There is a sketch of the strange fungus next to a hoopnet and nicstaff, powerful artifacts used by the Weavers only safely within the walls of the Loominary to Travel.

You suddenly notice that Igor has been rolling its eye and blinking frantically at you, and you realize that you haven't heard any footsteps from upstairs in a while.

You whirl around and see the Weaver standing in the entrance to the chamber staring at you. Their Fighting Needle lies discarded on the ground. They have removed their bright red sash and have looped their long slender hands through it. Their glare flickers from your eyes to the paper you hold in your hand and back again. And they take another soundless step forward.


97 ~Gaffen @ 04:45 2021/10/22



98 ~dozens @ 07:00 2021/10/22 [edited]


Vibe check!

“Heyy, buddy. How's it going there, champ?”

The Weaver halts their advance and regards you cooly. They say low and quiet, “You shouldn't be here.”

“Well you probably shouldn't be ... doing whatever it was you were doing to him,” you cleverly retort, gesturing toward the body on the altar behind you.

The Weaver scoffs, “I'm collecting samples. We're trying to stop whatever this is. Do you know what the Weavers are known for around here? Making blankets for the forgotten dead. We do much more than that of course. But if they disappear, then so will we eventually.”

“Well I'm trying to stop this too!” You take an eager step forward, and wave the page excitedly in the air. “I don't know what all this stuff is, but I know about the owl!” The Weaver's eyebrows lift slightly. “Maybe if we compare notes, we can fill in some gaps for each other, help each other out. What do you say?”

The Weaver seems to consider it but continues to hesitate, hands still looped through their sash.

Convince the Weaver?

99 ~dozens @ 12:33 2021/10/25


The Weaver nods, and the two of you trade notes.

You tell them about how the Cave Lads said the owl told them to steal all the blankets. And how you saw mushrooms and crystals growing together in the caves.

The Weaver tells you a couple things:

  1. The disease is caused by an agent they're calling a sporeshard: a small geode-like stone with a hard rock casing surrounding prismatic crystals and mushroom spores. When the sporeshard is introduced to the dead, the crystals and the spores infect it and work together to fossilize the bones and remove the flesh. It doesn't seem to have any direct effect on the living. They've recovered one intact sporeshard from a lone groll found outside Lullaby.

  2. The Weaver Somnambulists have taken special interest in the mushrooms left behind by the sporeshard: they seem to be similar to the psychedelic mushroom that they use to enter the Dreaming, but it drops the Traveller into memories of the final moments of the dead instead of into a benign dreamscape. They have been too scared to explore the “Deadscape” further, but the final moments of the dead may hold some clues were you to seek out the Somnabulists in the Loominary, headquarters of the Weavers.


100 ~bx @ 13:26 2021/10/26



The end! Stay tuned for the next installment of Social Anxiety Barbarian: Deadspace and Beyond!


from raghavgururajan

Why XMPP is better than Matrix?


I was obsessed with this question for a long-time. Which is the best IM protocol that exists today?

When I asked this to my dear friend, whose work is related to evolutionary biology, he replied “I have no ideas when it comes to computers. But I know this. Anything in this world that has survived for a long-time, had to be fit to withstand selective pressures. So look at what existed for long time, that's probably has properties to adapt well.”. Holy hell! Being a biotechnologist, I had to slap myself for not thinking this on my own.

But what makes a protocol fit? For that I looked at biology first. For a being to evolve, the process happens both forward and backward. That is, the being must pickup (forward) a new feature that will make it fit or drop (backward) a existing feature that is hindering it to be fit. Most importantly, the being must have properties (information in genetic material) that gives it these abilities (pickup or drop features), in the first place.

Now, what properties might that be for protocols? Extensibility and Modularity. If a protocol is both extensible and modular, it can pickup or drop a feature when needed (Well, protocol is not sentient, developers are the ones who do things). These properties (extensibility and modularity) must be innate nature (design model?) of the protocol, so that it can evolve in response to selective pressures. Here, selective pressures refers to needs of that protocol.

Why both properties and not just any one of them? As mentioned earlier, evolution is both forward and backward. If a protocol only is extensible, you cannot easily drop a extended feature, if it becomes obsolete, security-critical or blot. If a protocol is only modular, you cannot easily extend a feature in demand. So a protocol that is both extensible and modular, is fitter than, a protocol that has only one of these properties. In other words, Extensibility and Modularity are evolutionary properties of a protocol.

By design, XMPP has these evolutionary properties, whereas Matrix does not.


Matrix seems to be started because of ignorance. Its stated in its website, under “Imagine a world”, the reasons why matrix was started and/or aiming to achieve. Now, there was already XMPP, in which said goals could have been achieved with either existing XEPs or creating new XEPs. Instead, a new protocol was designed from scratch.

I think this kind of trend “Protocol ABC doesn't have this XYZ feature, so let me start a protocol from scratch” should be discouraged. It causes even more fragmentation in IM realm.

This is the very situation where matrix devs should have made use of the properties of XMPP to improve it. Even the outstanding feature (I admit. its a fantastic idea) of matrix, decentralized conversation store, could have been implemented in XMPP as an XEP. Imagine the time and effort spent on improving XMPP, instead of reinventing wheels in matrix. We could have had a neat ubiquitous IM platform.


IM platforms should be able to be deployed as minimal as possible or as feature as possible. Certain features should be able to be optionally enabled or disabled, based on the needs of the deployer.

For example, if an activist collective decides to provide IM service to its members, but doesn't want to store any messages on server for privacy purposes but to only queue the messages to deliver to clients (like POP instead of IMAP), it can be done by dropping (backward adaptation) the XEP responsible for archiving. Matrix cannot do this.


Please note that these are criticisms towards Matrix over XMPP, not hate. I appreciate the work done by Matrix devs, especially on decentralized conversation store. It is my current notion that, it will be better for XMPP and Matrix devs to combine their efforts by improving XMPP and bring matrix features to it via XEPs. XEP-Matrix?


from Julian Marcos

I installed Linux on a Laptop for it and a few weeks later the wifi stoped working and i needed to buy a external adapter on a small usb device.

That worked but im a bit meh :P

Leer más...

from KiddyTheKid

Caturday Fundamentals A Brief history By Kiddy

Caturday is celebrated each Saturday (and many other days of the week as Kranfahrer stated) to express love to our feline companions in the world full of troubles. As far as we know, animals are the purest living beings this earth has and you know you are in the right way when one of this creatures comes to you to get love and stays.

Caturday start day and creator is unknown but as Stux said “My bet is on one mighty cat out there somewhere” which reveals to us that the beginning of this could have been since the day of ancient Egypt around 3100 BC.

Enough said, let’s celebrate Caturday as it should be, letting our cats enjoy the day.


from ben


please stop making spam accounts here.

it's really annoying to have to go through and clear them out all the time!

if you see more spam accounts, please message me on irc or send me an email (ben AT tilde DOT team) and i can take care of it.

also, if i accidentally delete you, please do the same.



I've disabled open signups, so you'll need to contact me if you would like an invite.


from Nova

Friendships made during my stay on the Fediverse :

  • Λ1BΛƬЯӨƧƧ | @a1batross@expired.mentality.rip
  • AlkaSeltzer (aka Phénix) | @phenix@mstdn.social
  • Daya | @princessgentoo@gentoo.live
  • DignifiedSilence | @4ioskd@ukadon.shillest.net
  • Drudas | https://t.me/drudas
  • Isi | @isi@princess.cat
  • Jing | @Jing@mstdn.social
  • Kettlevoid | @kettlevoid@koyu.space
  • Kiddy the Kid | @KiddyTheKid@mstdn.social
  • Meeper | @Meeper@blob.cat
  • Norain (aka Lagertha) | @lagertha@mstdn.social
  • Lynx | @Lynx264@mstdn.social
  • (◡ ω ◡) | @lowol@koyu.space
  • PrettyPink | @PrettyPink@mstdn.social
  • Resynth | @resynth1943@mastodon.tedomum.net
  • Sathariel | @sathariel@gentoo.live
  • Simple Penguin | @SimplePenguin@mstdn.social
  • Toyha | @toyha@landofkittens.social
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from mikelalasmuto@gmx.es

Entremés de La cueva de Salamanca

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra



PANCRACIO.–   Enjugad, señora, esas lágrimas, y poned pausa a vuestros suspiros, considerando que cuatro días de ausencia no son siglos. Yo volveré, a lo más largo, a los cinco, si Dios no me quita la vida; aunque será mejor, por no turbar la vuestra, romper mi palabra, y dejar esta jornada; que sin mi presencia se podrá casar mi hermana.


LEONARDA.–   No quiero yo, mi Pancracio y mi señor, que por respeto mío vos parezcáis descortés; id en hora buena, y cumplid con vuestras obligaciones, pues las que os llevan son precisas; que yo me apretaré con mi llaga y pasaré mi soledad lo menos mal que pudiere. Sólo os encargo la vuelta, y que no paséis del término que habéis puesto.

Tenme, Cristina, que se me aprieta el corazón.


(Desmáyase LEONARDA.)


CRISTINA.–   ¡Oh, que bien hayan las bodas y las fiestas! En verdad, señor, que, si yo fuera que vuesa merced, que nunca allá fuera.


PANCRACIO.–   Entra, hija, por un vidro de agua para echársela en el rostro. Mas espera; diréle unas palabras que sé al oído, que tienen virtud para hacer volver de los desmayos.


(Dícele las palabras; vuelve LEONARDA diciendo:)


LEONARDA.–   ¡Basta!, ello ha de ser forzoso; no hay sino tener paciencia, bien mío; cuanto más os detuviéredes, más dilatáis mi contento. Vuestro compadre Loniso os debe de aguardar ya en el coche. Andad don Dios; que Él os vuelva tan presto y tan bueno como yo deseo.

   -fol. 248v-   

PANCRACIO.–   Mi ángel, si gustas que me quede, no me moveré de aquí más que una estatua.


LEONARDA.–   No, no, descanso mío; que mi gusto está en el vuestro; y, por agora, más que os vais que no os quedéis, pues es vuestra honra la mía.


CRISTINA.–   ¡Oh, espejo del matrimonio! A fe que si todas las casadas quisiesen tanto a sus maridos como mi señora Leonarda quiere al suyo, que otro gallo les cantase.


LEONARDA.–   Entra, Cristinica, y saca mi manto, que quiero acompañar a tu señor hasta dejarle en el coche.


PANCRACIO.–   No, por mi amor; abrazadme y quedaos, por vida mía.

Cristinica, ten cuenta de regalar a tu señora, que yo te mando un calzado cuando vuelva, como tú le quisieres.


CRISTINA.–   Vaya, señor, y no lleve pena de mi señora, porque la pienso persuadir de manera a que nos holguemos, que no imagine en la falta que vuesa merced le ha de hacer.


LEONARDA.–   ¿Holgar yo? ¡Qué bien estás en la cuenta, niña! Porque, ausente de mi gusto, no se hicieron los placeres ni las glorias para mí; penas y dolores, sí.


PANCRACIO.–   Ya no lo puedo sufrir. Quedad en paz, lumbre destos ojos, los cuales no verán cosa que les dé placer hasta volveros a ver.


(Éntrase PANCRACIO.)


LEONARDA.–   ¡Allá darás, rayo, en casa de Ana Díaz. Vayas, y no vuelvas; la ida del humo. Por Dios, que esta vez no os han de valer vuestras valentías ni vuestro recatos!


CRISTINA.–   Mil veces temí que con tus estremos habías de estorbar su partida y nuestros contentos.


LEONARDA.–   ¿Si vendrán esta noche los que esperamos?


CRISTINA.–   ¿Pues no? Ya los tengo avisados, y ellos están tan en ello, que esta tarde enviaron con la lavandera, nuestra secretaria, como que eran paños, una canasta de colar, llena de mil regalos y de cosas de comer, que no parece sino [u]no de los serones que da el rey el Jueves Santo a sus pobres; sino que la canasta es de Pascua, porque hay en ella empanadas, fiambreras, manjar blanco, y dos capones que aún no están acabados de pelar, y todo género de fruta de la que hay ahora; y, sobre todo, una bota de hasta una arroba de vino, de lo de una oreja, que huele que traciende.


LEONARDA.–   Es muy cumplido, y lo fue siempre, mi Riponce, sacristán de las telas de mis entrañas.


CRISTINA.–   Pues, ¿qué le falta a mi maese Nicolás, barbero de mis hígados y navaja de mis pesadumbres, que así me las rapa y quita cuando le veo, como si nunca las hubiera tenido?

   -fol. 249r-   

LEONARDA.–   ¿Pusiste la canasta en cobro?


CRISTINA.–   En la cocina la tengo, cubierta con un cernadero, por el disimulo.


(Llama a la puerta el ESTUDIANTE Carraolano, y, en llamando, sin esperar que le respondan, entra.)


LEONARDA.–   Cristina, mira quién llama.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Señoras, yo soy, un pobre estudiante.


CRISTINA.–   Bien se os parece que sois pobre y estudiante, pues lo uno muestra vuestro vestido, y el ser pobre vuestro atrevimiento. Cosa estraña es ésta, que no hay pobre que espere a que le saquen la limosna a la puerta, sino que se entran en las casas hasta el último rincón, sin mirar si despiertan a quien duerme, o si no.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Otra más blanda respuesta esperaba yo de la buena gracia de vuesa merced; cuanto más, que yo no quería ni buscaba otra limosna, sino alguna caballeriza o pajar donde defenderme esta noche de las inclemencias del cielo, que, según se me trasluce, parece que con grandísimo rigor a la tierra amenazan.


LEONARDA.–   ¿Y de dónde bueno sois, amigo?


ESTUDIANTE.–   Salmantino soy, señora mía; quiero decir que soy de Salamanca. Iba a Roma con un tío mío, el cual murió en el camino, en el corazón de Francia. Vime solo; determiné volverme a mi tierra; robáronme los lacayos o compañeros de Roque Guinarde, en Cataluña, porque él estaba ausente; que, a estar allí, no consintiera que se me hiciera agravio, porque es muy cortés y comedido, y además limosnero. Hame tomado a estas santas puertas la noche, que por tales las juzgo, y busco mi remedio.


LEONARDA.–   En verdad, Cristina, que me ha movido a lástima el estudiante.


CRISTINA.–   Ya me tiene a mí rasgadas las entrañas. Tengámosle en casa esta noche, pues de las sobras del castillo se podrá mantener el real; quiero decir que en las reliquias de la canasta habrá en quien adore su hambre; y más, que me ayudará a pelar la volatería que viene en la cesta.


LEONARDA.–   Pues, ¿cómo, Cristina, quieres que metamos en nuestra casa testigos de nuestras liviandades?


CRISTINA.–   Así tiene él talle de hablar por el colodrillo, como por la boca.

Venga acá, amigo: ¿sabe pelar?


ESTUDIANTE.–   ¿Cómo si sé pelar? No entiendo eso de saber pelar, si no es que quiere vuesa merced motejarme de pelón; que no hay para qué, pues yo me confieso por el mayor pelón del mundo.


CRISTINA.–   No lo digo yo por eso, en mi ánima, sino por saber si    -fol. 249v-   sabía pelar dos o tres pares de capones.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Lo que sabré responder es que yo, señoras, por la gracia de Dios, soy graduado de bachiller por Salamanca, y no digo...


LEONARDA.–   Desa manera, ¿quién duda sino que sabrá pelar no sólo capones, sino gansos y avutardas? Y, en esto del guardar secreto, ¿cómo le va? Y, a dicha, ¿[es] tentado de decir todo lo que vee, imagina o siente?


ESTUDIANTE.–   Así pueden matar delante de mí más hombres que carneros en el Rastro, que yo desplegue mis labios para decir palabra alguna.


CRISTINA.–   Pues atúrese esa boca, y cósase esa lengua con una agujeta de dos cabos, y amuélese esos dientes, y éntrese con nosotras, y verá misterios y cenará maravillas, y podrá medir en un pajar los pies que quisiere para su cama.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Con siete tendré demasiado: que no soy nada codicioso ni regalado.


(Entran el SACRISTÁN Reponce y el BARBERO.)


SACRISTÁN.–   ¡Oh, que en hora buena estén los automedones y guías de los carros de nuestros gustos, las luces de nuestras tinieblas, y las dos recíprocas voluntades que sirven de basas y colunas a la amorosa fábrica de nuestros deseos!


LEONARDA.–   ¡Esto sólo me enfada dél! Reponce mío: habla, por tu vida, a lo moderno, y de modo que te entienda, y no te encarames donde no te alcance.


BARBERO.–   Eso tengo yo bueno, que hablo más llano que una suela de zapato; pan por vino y vino por pan, o como suele decirse.


SACRISTÁN.–   Sí, que diferencia ha de haber de un sacristán gramático a un barbero romancista.


CRISTINA.–   Para lo que yo he menester a mi barbero, tanto latín sabe, y aún más, que supo Antonio de Nebrija; y no se dispute agora de ciencia ni de modos de hablar: que cada uno habla, si no como debe, a lo menos, como sabe; y entrémonos, y manos a labor, que hay mucho que hacer.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Y mucho que pelar.


SACRISTÁN.–   ¿Quién es este buen hombre?


LEONARDA.–   Un pobre estudiante salamanqueso, que pide albergo para esta noche.


SACRISTÁN.–   Yo le daré un par de reales para cena y para lecho, y váyase con Dios.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Señor sacristán Reponce, recibo y agradezco la merced y la limosna; pero yo soy mudo, y pelón además, como lo ha menester esta señora doncella, que me tiene convidado; y voto a...    -fol. 250r-   de no irme esta noche desta casa, si todo el mundo me lo manda. Confíese vuesa merced mucho de enhoramala de un hombre de mis prendas, que se contenta de dormir en un pajar; y si lo han por sus capones, péleselos el Turco y cómanselos ellos, y nunca del cuero les salgan.


BARBERO.–   Éste más parece rufián que pobre. Talle tiene de alzarse con toda la casa.


CRISTINA.–   No medre yo, si no me contenta el brío. Entrémonos todos, y demos orden en lo que se ha de hacer; que el pobre pelará y callará como en misa.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Y aun como en vísperas.


SACRISTÁN.–   Puesto me ha miedo el pobre estudiante; yo apostaré que sabe más latín que yo.


LEONARDA.–   De ahí le deben de nacer los bríos que tiene; pero no te pese, amigo, de hacer caridad, que vale para todas las cosas.


(Éntranse todos, y sale Leoniso, COMPADRE DE PANCRACIO, y PANCRACIO.)


COMPADRE.–   Luego lo vi yo que nos había de faltar la rueda; no hay cochero que no sea temático; si él rodeara un poco y salvara aquel barranco, ya estuviéramos dos leguas de aquí.


PANCRACIO.–   A mí no se me da nada; que antes gusto de volverme y pasar esta noche con mi esposa Leonarda, que en la venta; porque la dejé esta tarde casi para espirar, del sentimiento de mi partida.


COMPADRE.–   ¡Gran mujer! ¡De buena os ha dado el cielo, señor compadre! Dadle gracias por ello.


PANCRACIO.–   Yo se las doy como puedo, y no como debo; no hay Lucrecia que se [le] llegue, ni Porcia que se le iguale; la honestidad y el recogimiento han hecho en ella su morada.


COMPADRE.–   Si la mía no fuera celosa, no tenía yo más que desear. Por esta calle está más cerca mi casa; tomad, compadre, por éstas, y estaréis presto en la vuestra; y veámonos mañana, que [no] me faltará coche para la jornada. Adiós.


PANCRACIO.–   Adiós.


(Éntranse los dos.)


(Vuelven a salir el SACRISTÁN [y] el BARBERO, con sus guitarras; LEONARDA, CRISTINA y el ESTUDIANTE. Sale el SACRISTÁN con la sotana alzada y ceñida al cuerpo, danzando al son de su misma guitarra; y, a cada cabriola, vaya diciendo estas palabras:)


SACRISTÁN.–   ¡Linda noche, lindo rato, linda cena y lindo amor!


CRISTINA.–   Señor sacristán Reponce, no es éste tiempo de danzar; dése    -fol. 250v-   orden en cenar y en las demás cosas, y quédense las danzas para mejor coyuntura.


SACRISTÁN.–   ¡Linda noche, lindo rato, linda cena y lindo amor!


LEONARDA.–   Déjale, Cristina; que en estremo gusto de ver su agilidad.


(Llama PANCRACIO a la puerta, y dice:)


PANCRACIO.–   Gente dormida, ¿no oís? ¿Cómo, y tan temprano tenéis atrancada la puerta? Los recatos de mi Leonarda deben de andar por aquí.


LEONARDA.–   ¡Ay, desdichada! A la voz y a los golpes, mi marido Pancracio es éste; algo le debe de haber sucedido, pues él se vuelve. Señores, a recogerse a la carbonera: digo al desván, donde está el carbón.

Corre, Cristina, y llévalos; que yo entretendré a Pancracio de modo que tengas lugar para todo.


ESTUDIANTE.–   ¡Fea noche, amargo rato, mala cena y peor amor!


CRISTINA.–   ¡Gentil relente, por cierto! ¡Ea, vengan todos!


PANCRACIO.–   ¿Qué diablos es esto? ¿Cómo no me abrís, lirones?


ESTUDIANTE.–   Es el toque, que yo no quiero correr la suerte destos señores. Escóndanse ellos donde quisieren, y llévenme a mí al pajar, que, si allí me hallan, antes pareceré pobre que adúltero.


CRISTINA.–   Caminen, que se hunde la casa a golpes.


SACRISTÁN.–   El alma llevo en los dientes.


BARBERO.–   Y yo en los carcañares.


(Éntranse todos y asómase LEONARDA a la ventana.)


LEONARDA.–   ¿Quién está ahí? ¿Quién llama?


PANCRACIO.–   Tu marido soy, Leonarda mía; ábreme, que ha media hora que estoy rompiendo a golpes estas puertas.


LEONARDA.–   En la voz, bien me parece a mí que oigo a mi cepo Pancracio; pero la voz de un gallo se parece a la de otro gallo, y no me aseguro.


PANCRACIO.–   ¡Oh recato inaudito de mujer prudente! Que yo soy, vida mía, tu marido Pancracio: ábreme con toda seguridad.


LEONARDA.–   Venga acá, yo lo veré agora. ¿Qué hice yo cuando él se partió esta tarde?


PANCRACIO.–   Suspiraste, lloraste y al cabo te desmayaste.


LEONARDA.–   Verdad; pero, con todo esto, dígame: ¿qué señales tengo yo en uno de mis hombros?


PANCRACIO.–   En el izquierdo tienes un lunar del grandor de medio real, con tres cabellos como tres mil hebras de oro.


LEONARDA.–   Verdad; pero, ¿cómo se llama la doncella de casa?


PANCRACIO.–   ¡Ea, boba, no seas enfadosa, Cristinica se llama! ¿Qué más quieres?


[LEONARDA].–   ¡Cristinica, Cristinica, tu señor es; ábrele, niña!


CRISTINA.–   Ya voy, señora; que él sea    -fol. 251r-   muy bien venido.

¿Qué es esto, señor de mi alma? ¿Qué acelerada vuelta es ésta?


LEONARDA.–   ¡Ay, bien mío! Decídnoslo presto, que el temor de algún mal suceso me tiene ya sin pulsos.


PANCRACIO.–   No ha sido otra cosa sino que en un barranco se quebró la rueda del coche, y mi compadre y yo determinamos volvernos, y no pasar la noche en el campo; y mañana buscaremos en qué ir, pues hay tiempo. Pero ¿qué voces hay?


(Dentro, y como de muy lejos, diga el ESTUDIANTE:)


ESTUDIANTE.–   ¡Ábranme aquí, señores; que me ahogo!


PANCRACIO.–   ¿Es en casa o en la calle?


CRISTINA.–   Que me maten si no es el pobre estudiante que encerré en el pajar, para que durmiese esta noche.


PANCRACIO.–   ¿Estudiante encerrado en mi casa, y en mi ausencia? ¡Malo! En verdad, señora, que si no me tuviera asegurado vuestra mucha bondad, que me causara algún recelo este encerramiento; pero ve, Cristina, y ábrele, que se le debe de haber caído toda la paja a cuestas.


CRISTINA.–   Ya voy.


LEONARDA.–   Señor, que es un pobre salamanqueso, que pidió que le acogiésemos esta noche, por amor de Dios, aunque fuese en el pajar; y ya sabes mi condición, que no puedo negar nada de lo que se me pide, y encerrámosle; pero veisle aquí, y mirad cuál sale.


(Sale el ESTUDIANTE y CRISTINA; él lleno de paja las barbas, cabeza y vestido.)


ESTUDIANTE.–   Si yo no tuviera tanto miedo, y fuera menos escrupuloso, yo hubiera escusado el peligro de ahogarme en el pajar, y hubiera cenado mejor, y tenido más blanda y menos peligrosa cama.


PANCRACIO.–   ¿Y quién os había de dar, amigo, mejor cena y mejor cama?


ESTUDIANTE.–   ¿Quién? Mi habilidad, sino que el temor de la justicia me tiene atadas las manos.


PANCRACIO.–   ¡Peligrosa habilidad debe de ser la vuestra, pues os teméis de la justicia!


ESTUDIANTE.–   La ciencia que aprendí en la Cueva de Salamanca, de donde yo soy natural, si se dejara usar sin miedo de la Santa Inquisición, yo sé que cenara y recenara a costa de mis herederos; y aun quizá no estoy muy fuera de usalla, siquiera por esta vez, donde la necesidad me fuerza y me disculpa; pero no sé yo si estas señoras serán tan secretas como yo lo he sido.


PANCRACIO.–   No se cure dellas, amigo, sino haga lo que quisiere, que yo les haré que callen; y ya deseo en todo estremo ver alguna destas cosas que dicen que    -fol. 251v-   se aprenden en la Cueva de Salamanca.


ESTUDIANTE.–   ¿No se contentará vuesa merced con que le saque aquí dos demonios en figuras humanas, que traigan a cuestas una canasta llena de cosas fiambres y comederas?


LEONARDA.–   ¿Demonios en mi casa y en mi presencia? ¡Jesús! Librada sea yo de lo que librarme no sé.


CRISTINA.–    [Aparte.]  El mismo diablo tiene el estudiante en el cuerpo: ¡plega a Dios que vaya a buen viento esta parva! Temblándome está el corazón en el pecho.


PANCRACIO.–   Ahora bien; si ha de ser sin peligro y sin espantos, yo me holgaré de ver esos señores demonios y a la canasta de las fiambreras; y torno a advertir que las figuras no sean espantosas.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Digo que saldrán en figura del sacristán de la parroquia, y en la de un barbero su amigo.


CRISTINA.–   ¿Mas que lo dice por el sacristán Riponce y por maese Roque, el barbero de casa? ¡Desdichados dellos, que se han de ver convertidos en diablos! Y dígame, hermano, ¿y éstos han de ser diablos bautizados?


ESTUDIANTE.–   ¡Gentil novedad! ¿Adónde diablos hay diablos bautizados, o para qué se han de bautizar los diablos? Aunque podrá ser que éstos lo fuesen, porque no hay regla sin excepción; y apártense, y verán maravillas.


LEONARDA.–    [Aparte.]  ¡Ay, sin ventura! Aquí se descose; aquí salen nuestras maldades a plaza; aquí soy muerta.


CRISTINA.–    [Aparte.]  ¡Ánimo, señora, que buen corazón quebranta mala ventura!

ESTUDIANTE   Vosotros, mezquinos, que en la carbonerahallastes amparo a vuestra desgracia,salid, y en los hombros, con priesa y con gracia,sacad la canasta de la fïambrera;no me incitéis a que de otra maneramás dura os conjure. Salid: ¿qué esperáis?Mirad que si a dicha el salir rehusáis,tendrá mal suceso mi nueva quimera.

Hora bien, yo sé cómo me tengo de haber con estos demonicos humanos; quiero entrar allá dentro, y a solas hacer un conjuro tan fuerte, que los haga salir más que de paso;    -fol. 252r-   aunque la calidad destos demonios más está en sabellos aconsejar, que en conjurallos.


(Éntrase el ESTUDIANTE.)


PANCRACIO.–   Yo digo que si éste sale con lo que ha dicho, que será la cosa más nueva y más rara que se haya visto en el mundo.


LEONARDA.–   Sí saldrá, ¿quién lo duda? Pues, ¿habíanos de engañar?


CRISTINA.–   Ruido anda allá dentro; yo apostaré que los saca; pero vee aquí do vuelve con los demonios y el apatusco de la canasta.


LEONARDA.–   ¡Jesús! ¡Qué parecidos son los de la carga al sacristán Reponce y al barbero de la plazuela!


CRISTINA.–   Mira, señora, que donde hay demonios no se ha de decir Jesús.


SACRISTÁN.–   Digan lo que quisieren; que nosotros somos como los perros del herrero, que dormimos al son de las martilladas; ninguna cosa nos espanta ni turba.


LEONARDA.–   Lléguense a que yo coma de lo que viene de la canasta; no tomen menos.


ESTUDIANTE.–   Yo haré la salva y comenzaré por el vino.  (Bebe.) 

Bueno es: ¿es de Esquivias, señor sacridiablo?


SACRISTÁN.–   De Esquivias es, ¡juro a...!


ESTUDIANTE.–   Téngase, por vida suya, y no pase adelante. ¡Amiguito soy yo de diablos juradores! Demonico, demonico, aquí no venimos a hacer pecados mortales, sino a pasar una hora de pasatiempo, y cenar, y irnos con Cristo.


CRISTINA.–   ¿Y éstos han de cenar con nosotros?


PANCRACIO.–   Sí, que los diablos no comen.


BARBERO.–   Sí comen algunos, pero no todos; y nosotros somos de los que comen.


CRISTINA.–   ¡Ay, señores! Quédense acá los pobres diablos, pues han traído la cena; que sería poca cortesía dejarlos ir muertos de hambre, y parecen diablos muy honrados y muy hombres de bien.


LEONARDA.–   Como no nos espanten, y si mi marido gusta, quédense en buen hora.


PANCRACIO.–   Queden; que quiero ver lo que nunca he visto.


BARBERO.–   Nuestro Señor pague a vuesa[s] mercede[s] la buena obra, señores míos.


CRISTINA.–   ¡Ay, qué bien criado

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from Blores

A home for stories fashioned with care!

This is where I'll be posting original stories and fan fiction whenever it suits me.


from ben

Hello there

This is a test post. Here's some nonsense.

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn’t take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It’s clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother’s mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.